Thumbie

I started my day at 10:30am instead of 9:30 which is when home schooling starts. Im worried Im becoming so lazy that one day I'll be too lazy to even wear clothes, or eat. Speaking of not eating, I wish I could lose weight dammit. I cant stop myself from eating at least 2 packets of crisps a day as well as chocolate and ice cream. I swear, I have put on a stone and that to me is FAT. I wanna be 6 and a half stone, it's my goal weight. Someone should donate a treadmill for me to run on all day long, because Im desperately in need of some fat-busting. This afternoon I slammed the fridge door on my thumb, I was yelling and swearing quite loudly and my sister was just watching me while laughing, obviously enjoying the show. It's all better now, though. But I've just noticed I got a small wound on my wrist from last night when I peeled a bit of dry skin off it. It's all sore and red now, stupid thing. Theres no one in the living room right now apart from me, I think mum's upstairs painting or something. Outtake TV is on, with that woman off of 'The Weakest Link' oh yes I think her name is Anne Robinson or something. She looks like a little wrinkled chipmunk. I reeally need to go to town soon and look for the perfect halloween outfit, I want to dress as a vampire naughty nurse but I bet all the nurse outfits in the Mad Hatter fancy dress shop are for adults or something. I'll force my mum to pretend she buying for herself if they are for adults. Im almost an adult anyway, in about 5 years time which is when I'll be 20. Ugh I hope I never turn 20 and be old, the minute I turn 16 I want to stay that age forever please. :

Wheee.

Nothing really exciting happened these past few days, but TOMORROW Im going to London for some harcore shopping because I havent been to London in like.. a month. Which is very shocking. I found it hard to decide which part of London I wanted to go to this time, but I think I'll end up in Portobello Market and then Camden Market for most of the day. I can't wait, hehe. So tonight I'm going to re-dye my hair a brighter red as it's already starting to fade after about a week and a half. Why does red never stay in my hair for very long? Because my hair is evil, that's why. >;c

Bahah on Twitter I posted some nonsense in which no one will bother to look at, then replied to a few comments on Glitter-Graphics and now I've ended up messing around on Roiworld. I love the fashion drawing games they have, but Im a complete retard when it comes to attempting to draw with a computer mouse. My drawings just look all wobbly and childish. Hmph. I seem to be writing shorter and shorter posts these days. Maybe Im running out of things to say, or my life is just incredibly DULLLL. Yeah that'll do for now, will probably write about my fantasmal day in London tomorrow and all the shit I bought randomly.

Camera crazy!

Newww shaved patch on my head, so pretty.
BlahBlahh, after dropping my Samsung camera and bending the lens in the process, I changed it for a new one for free but it was a Kodak and that brand of camera somehow doesn't cooperate with my computer. So mummy went back to the store yesterday after me telling her to get it replaced with a black Samsung, and she got the same sexy one I had before! I was so happy I could finally see the new pictures I had taken of my shaved patch on the side of my head. I got a good idea what I could do to make the patch look even cuter. I told mum a minute ago when she served me my dinner of curly fries that I was thinking of finding some of those transfer tattoos that little kids enjoy, the ones you stick it on your arm then wet it then peel it off. Im thinking of finding some cool-looking transfers and putting one on the patch to look like I have a tattooed head! A few people on Glitter-Graphics actually thought the stupid little black liquid-eyeliner cross was a TATTOO I had one my patch, which is a bit retarded because Im too young to get tattooed and also I dont think I would be able to endure the pain of getting one! Last night when me and Julie were sitting on my bed with tubby Tiger, the sleepy cat, we watched Miami Ink like we usually do at 1am-2am ish and I saw a box of tropical coloured Sharpies and told Julie we should mess around and give ourselves 'tattoos' with the ink from the Sharpies. I ended up getting some weird ink drawings all over my stomach, 2 pineapples, 2 stars, 2 hearts, a face & a balloon are to name a few. I managed to draw a fake watch on Julie's wrist and she wanted to draw one on my wrist too, but she fucked it up and it just looks pathetic and wobbly. I cant be bothered to wash off all the Sharpie ink but I might do so later when I re-dye my hair red. It fades so easily and it sucks! I have no idea what my mum is watching on TV. Probably either 60 minute makeover or a stupid animal program with psychotic old people nattering away to their thousands of dogs/cats/cockatoos. Ugh, I hate that 'The Dog Whisperer' TV show, where a gray-haired mexican guy trains people's dogs into calm quiet, obedient dogs in a matter of days. So boring, stupid, pointless. Oh and also when it was around 1am last night before we watched Miami Ink, we watched this weird thing called 'House Of Agoraphobics' which is basically a camera crew with 1 or 2 'doctors' following people who are scared of being out in public, walking around outside. In public. They put on a bit of a worried look, but it looks so fake. A muslim woman apparently cant stand being on her own for more than 5 minutes and walks out of her house outside IN THE PUBLIC VIEW which she is supposed to be SCARED of, just to be around people. It made me and Julie very annoyed cause fake TV is shit TV. Oh my fucking tits, my mum IS watching The Dog Whisperer! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. No. Im going to hide in the kitchen until there's something worth watching.

Orange juice and banana milk.

Woke up at around 4-ish this evening, with Tiger still happily snoozing on my bed since 3am when me and Julie decided to go to bed. We watched Miami Ink, LA Ink & London Ink for a few hours then half of a Skins DVD, and I did try and persuade the silly curly haired bitch to watch The Nightmare Before Christmas with me. I havent watched it in aages because no one likes it in my house but me. Also no one likes watching my Mighty Boosh DVDs with me either, apparently it isnt that funny. So today has been all lovely and lazy. I replied to a few comments on Glitter-Graphics, seen a few blogs on here and now Im so bored I actually logged on to Twitter and posted something like "Just went to the shop with Julie in pink leopard skinnies. I must have looked so trashy." God that site is just like a fucking blog, but only stupid and everyone just tries to sound all witty/popular/intelligent. I just sound like a bored person who doesnt actually feel like telling anyone my business but does it anyway. Ooh at 8pm tonight the X Factor is on TV! Im addicted to that show, it's really entertaining. Especially when there's really wacky kids who sing like crap and get all upset when the judges tell them they sound like a strangled cat. Dad is in the hallway making as much noise as possible while painting the walls the pale gray paint we got a couple weeks ago. It looks really different than what the short young guy who mixed it for as at the store said it would look. The lying little bugger. Dad said this morning when he was rummaging around in his shed he found a big tin of unused yellow paint which we could use to paint my room soon, cause the pink walls I have at the moment really looks bad with the gothy posters I have of rock singers in coffins and Marilyn Manson is on my wall somewhere too of course. Girly pink clashes so bad with posters of people with pale skin and black hair/clothes/makeup. OH JOY Sonny With A Chance is on TV right now, I love that show. Theres only an hour until the X Factor is on so Im just going to flick through my Hair magazine Julie got me when we were at Tesco about 20 minutes ago. We got banana milkshake, Ribena, Sprite, Orange juice, and sandwiches also. She paid for some of it with her OWN money while I put the other half into my big squashy purple handbag, and she actually put in a £20 note for some stuff that cost £4.12. She said it was all she had, bahah. I always never have any change, just a few notes which Im trying to save for something really special.

Dont know at all.

I havent made a new post for a few days now mainly because I dont do anything that important to make note of. But during those few days I was just feeling so fed up of almost everything I used to enjoy. Like, the account I have on Glitter-Graphics.com which I used to go on for long periods of time every single day. I was starting feel so annoyed at the same thing which was to reply to comments, occasionally update my profile every now and then, and sometimes a few people would make me an avatar whenever I asked or if they thought I needed a new one to match my current hairstyle or something. I got so annoyed and bored with it I had the strong urge to just delete everything I had on there, 'friends', pictures, comments, the lot and just quit the stupid bastard site. But its only been about a day and I've changed the 'GONE FOREVER' title on my profile to 'GONE FOR A SHORT WHILE', and Im pretty sure that tomorrow I would have logged on that fucking site and wrote 'IM BACK NOW!' which Im going to hate. I dont want people always watching everything I do and questioning everything I say, and take it so seriously. Most of the time Im not even sure what the hell Im saying or saying something I didnt actually understand what it meant. I dont know anyone I talk to on there, no matter how much I talk to them. Only the few that I've known for over a year. Which comes down to about 3. I searched for 'List of mental disorders' on Google for no apparent reason a few minutes ago and was wide-eyed at the things I read. I could relate to some of the mental disorders listed and discribed. I was talking to a person on Glitter-Graphics before I went on that site and said to her that I thought I was suffering from a crazy mental disorder or something, that I thought my mind wasnt right and I felt a little scared by it. We both agreed maybe I just go a little mad at night from not being asleep that much. Maybe it's very normal to just feel so.. blank, empty, dead, creepy, insane, and other closely related things, at times? I copied about 3+ of the mental disorders on the website I had found into a quick note on that cute little thing called 'notepad' which most computers have, saved it then closed it. I typed one of the disorders in capital letters, as I was certain I had that particular condition. I was completely sure that I had been suffering with it ever since I was about 11.

SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER:

(Description from Wikipedia)

"..A diagnosis reffering to excessive social anxiety (anxiety in social situations) causing considerable distress and impaired ability to function in at least some areas of daily life. Generalized social anxiety disorder typically involves a persistent, intense, and chronic fear of being judged by others and of potentially being embarrassed or humiliated by one's own actions. These fears can be triggered by perceived or actual scrutiny by others. Social phobia in many cases can be an extremely debilitating disorder, especially because one who struggles with it often suffers alone. In individuals under age 18 years, the duration is at least 6 months. Those with social phobia tend to interpret neutral or ambiguous conversations with a negative outlook and many studies suggest that socially anxious individuals remember more negative memories than those less distressed. An example of an instance may be that of an employee presenting to his co-workers. During the presentation, the person may stutter a word upon which he or she may worry that other people significantly noticed and think that he or she is a terrible presenter. This thought propels further anxiety which may lead to further stuttering, sweating, and a possible panic attack. Social anxiety disorder is a persistent fear of one or more situations in which the person is exposed to possible scrutiny by others and fears that he or she may do something or act in a way that will be humiliating or embarrassing. It exceeds normal 'shyness' as it leads to excessive social avoidance and substantial social or occupational impairment. Feared activities may include almost any type of social interaction, especially small groups, dating, parties, talking to strangers, restaurants, etc. Possible physical symptoms include "mind going blank", fast heartbeat, blushing, stomach ache, nausea and gagging. The groundless fear of making telephone calls is typical, both answering and picking up, due to conversing's social nature. It may appear early in childhood. Faced with an uncomfortable situation, children with social anxiety may display tantrums, weeping, clinging to parents, and shutting themselves out. The walk disturbance (where you are so worried about how you walk that you lose balance) may appear, especially when passing a group of people. Onset of social phobia typically occurs between 11 and 19 years of age. Studies of Identical twins brought up in different families have indicated that, if one twin developed social anxiety disorder, then the other was between 30 percent and 50 percent more likely than average to aslo develop the disorder. Adolescents who were rated as having an insecure (anxious-ambivalent) attachment with their mother as infants were twice as likely to develop anxiety disorders by late adolescence, including social phobia. Social anxiety disorder may be caused by the longer-term effects of not fitting in, or being bullied, rejected or ignored. In one study, popularity was found to be negatively correlated with social anxiety, and children who were neglected by their peers reported higher social anxiety and fear of negative evaluation than other categories of children. Socially phobic children appear less likely to receive positive reactions from peers and anxious or inhibited children may isolate themselves. An interpersonal or media emphasis on 'normal' or 'attractive' personal characteristics has also been argued to fuel perfectionism and feelings of inferiority or insecurity regarding negative evaluation from others.."

All the text which has been coloured red is what I feel that I can relate to or understand I may have. The first part of text which is red that says people under 18 who suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder for at least 6 months. I think I have been suffering with this disorder for probably about 4 or maybe 5 years. I dont have much time to explain what I think of all the pieces of text which I have made red-coloured, as it's past midnight and my dad is getting all naggy at me, so I will quickly type up a bit of what I think is wrong with me. I can relate to the bit which says the sufferer who has an insecure attachment with their mother are twice as likely to develop anxiety disorders, as I tend to only go out in public with my mother as my sister wont always come with me and my dad is embarrassing to be seen with, and I just hate being out on my own so only a few times I walk to the shop, and when I was still in public school and I couldnt walk home with my sister as she was always getting detentions, I used to rush all the way home even though it was a very short route but I didnt want to be on my own as groups of schoolkids could easily catch up with me and make fun of the way I walk or look or something. Also when I got to the stage of skipping school every day, my sister wouldnt want to skip so much in case of getting in lots more trouble, so sometimes if I couldnt pursuade her by tugging at her bag or standing in front of her and trying to push her back through the hole in the hedge which everyone went through to get to the back of the school, I would simply tell her I'll go by myself then and run off through the hedge and just stand for hours playing on my phone at the bridge which was near a park. I never actually felt that worried about being kidnapped or anything when I was out on my own skipping school, as even when no one was around to see witness anything if I did get kidnapped, the thought of it just never came into my head as I was too busy trying to think about other things like what my sister was doing, or if people were looking for me, or if the school had called home about my absence yet. Moving on, I have a very strong connection with the bit about walking weirdly when passing groups of people, I always avoid eye contact and feel that people are watching me, and I have always been made fun of by kids my age about the way I walk, even by my own non-identical twin sister, apparently I walk 'bent' at the knees while the top half of my body remains upright. This has made me very self-conscious when Im out walking so I try to walk normally so no one will stare, when I ask my mother if she thinks I walk funny she always replies with something like "Your sister and other kids are just winding you up, you walk fine." But I have noticed that my legs look a little bandy down past the knees. When I go past anyone who is young I get a fast heartbeat and avoid eye contact with them, my legs sometimes feel like jelly too, especially if it's someone who looks like they're going to say something bad to me or say it to their friends so they'll laugh at me. I used to get a very horrible churning feeling in my stomach an awful lot when in school I was told to talk to someone who was popular and mean, or someone who just looks a little bitchy. My voice deepens when I speak to new people who I dont feel comfortable with. With people who were a little close to me, my voice would be the normal accent I have, which although I have been in the countryside in the southwest of England for most of my life I didnt not have the broad, 'famer/carrot-cruncher' accent which was how everyone speaks where I live. I was originally borin in Chelsea Hospital in London and we lived in a few locations around London untill we moved to the countryside when me and my sister were about 3. My mother says I have a slight London accent, but not much of a 'carrot-cruncher' one. Although my sister has an easily recognizable southwest accent. Moving on again, when I was at school and was told by the teacher to talk to someone who I hardly knew I would sit very uncomfortablly and leaning as far away from them as possible, as well as sweating like FUCK, and my heart beating rapidly, and the horrible twisting, churning feeling in my stomach. I also didnt speak much to anyone at school apart from my twin and the few people I had known for a while. Also at times I would feel very hot when forced to sit or communicate with an unfamiliar person, but I wasnt sure if I was blushing or not, as no one would tell me I was red in the face. I hate being taken to a restaurant, especially if I had to sit by a large window for people outsite to walk past and see me, and if the restaurant was full of people. I would only be confortable when sitting in the corner and out of the way. I was never invited to many birthday parties or sleepovers when I was younger, as I want very popular and didnt spend time with any of my friends after school. I used to hate pretty much every class I had at secondary school, but Im not sure about primary school. In science I would be in a class with no one I was close to at all, sometimes I sat with 1 or 2 people I had known for a little bit or who were friends with my friends, and most of the time I would be sat on my own at the front of the class close to the door. I felt very uncomfortable being with my back facing to the large bunch of loud, rude and 'popular' kids. I felt they were laughing and whispering bad things about me. The eldery teacher would never notice what was going on in his science class, so they could do anything they want. When I had science for last lesson in that class I was on my own sitting at the front, and the popular kids behind me were bored of the work so they messed around a bit more than usual. I heard a few giggles then suddenly felt a sharp pain in the back of my head, heard a dull thud at the same time, and something hitting the floor. I looked down to see a large heavy science textbook laying on the floor. I felt very sweaty and upset that those horrible people which I had done nothing to had just thrown this at my head. My head hurt a little but not much and the teacher didnt see. After they had thrown it and saw the very 'funny' spectacle, started squawking with laughter so much it seemed like they were laughing like maniacs, expecially one of the popular girls which was sat there. I think it was her who threw it. After a minute or two had passed and they settled down, they giggled again and this time a shoe had hit the same part of my head. More loud, stupid laughter. Especially from the girl who had thrown her shoe at me, as I was sure it was her as from the corner of my eye I could see her creeping behind me to get her shoe back and put it on when she sat back down. I didnt cry, but my eyes were very watery and I just stared blankly for the rest of the lesson with my head down and ran out of the door the minute the bell had went and the class was told to go from the eldery teacher. But although that was the most horrible experience I had gotten from being around people, especially kids, that wasnt where I think my social anxiety had started. In the last year of primary school, there was a nasty rumour about me and my twin having 'nits' which was another word for head lice, and we didnt actually have 'nits', loads of other kids in the yeargroup had them, not just us. But seeing as we were quiet and looked like easy victims, we were targetted for the name-calling the most. All my confidence had disappeared and the teachers did nothing when my mother told them that we didnt breed 'nits', we washed our almost every day so it wasnt us who had spread them. I strongly believe After the name calling started was when my fear of people, social situations, anxiety, everything all started. Its now almost a few minutes untill its 1am, so I will publish this post for now but edit it later tomorrow. Im also going to see if I can make this post private. Okay its now about 6:30pm and its the day after I wrote this post. So far I am sure of the fact that I suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD), Ugh I dont like the abbreviation of the disorder, it's so ironic and SAD. I dont think I'll ever go to a Doctor or psychiatrist, etc, to ask if they think I suffer from the disorder as it will just be all too emabarrassing for me. My parents dont know anything about what I suffered from when at school, they think me and my sister just hated all the schoolwork and the teachers. I havent told anyone about the certainty of me having Social Anxiety, just told a few that I think I am suffering from a certain mental disorder which I will not name at this point untill I feel comfortable with it.

Hotdogs, Hairdye & Holidays

Helloooo it is now twelve minutes past ten at night and once again, the news in on TV and Dad is the only person bothered to watch the stupid thing. Im looking for punk hairstyles again and am seriously thinking about cutting my hair myself instead of going to the hairdressers, giving one of the blonde clones a picture of what I want then after they're finished it ends up looking NOT THE WAY I WANT IT TO LOOK. Im going to try look for those hairdressing scissors called Thinning Shears which make the hair all nice and thin and fluffy. Also I dont know whether to get a crazy punky short haircut, or just go back to my old extremely scene wannabe hair, with extentions which clash with my hair colour and my real hair all backcombed and whatnot. I think I'll try both and see which I like best. A lot of people liked my scene poofy backcombed hair, but oh well it's my hair not theirs. I went to ASDA a few hours ago, to look for some more red hair dye to touch up my patches of blonde/brown hair which is now showing through. I couldnt find any! The only stupid colours they had was brown, blonde and POSSIBLY black. Boring fuckers, those three colours arent the only hair colours which exist on this planet! Instead, I ended up grabbing a handful of cute little tins of hair products such as hair gel/mattifier/texturiser/clay/wax/etc. Oh and I got some more heat defence spray in case I ever run out of the new one I have already. Heheh. I didnt do any French today, Julie said I have to do something else today. So I did only 2 pages of maths cause I find it too hard, a few pages of science, and I think I did some pages of English too. Then we went out the house after asking dad first, to meet our friend Emma from her walk home from school. We left a bit early and it was 10 minutes until the schoolkids were walking home but no sign of Emma. It was soon almost 20 past 3 and no kids were around then. We just agreed that she probably couldnt be bothered to show up to school today and stayed at home pretending to be sick. She'll most definately be at school tomorrow though, because it's mostly college all day and only 2 lessons at school which is maths and equally shitty Science, so she'll be excited to go to school on a Thursday. We wont be able to meet her though to tell her all about our home schooling, as we will have a field trip to the nearest beach which is travelled to by train. We reckon it should be a mix of Geography, Architecture and Art. We're going to look for fossils and rock formations and such which is the Geography part. The architecture part is looking at the landscape and how the sand looks and stuff. The art part will be best because we are going to draw the cliffs and the sea, and the little river running at the top of the beach. Julie is very crap at art so Im going to bring my camera along and take pictures, so that when I print them out later that day she can trace them and stuff. First though, we're going to have a nice breakfast in KFC, methinks.

It's A Smoooooth Thing?

Couldnt think of an interesting title so I just wrote down a jingle from the advert which was just on TV, about a mouthwash or something. Today I managed to get up at 9:20, which is a big improvement because 11am is quite late for starting a days home schooling work. Me and Julie sat at the desk in my room, I started with a French workbook as I didnt know any French at all so I did that for about 2 hours and Julie did some science. After going downstairs and bringing up some crisps with her, Julie decided we should do some Art. We got out all my paints, and put some newspaper down on the floor where we decided to sit to do painting. On one of the newspapers was a picture of a topless woman, which Julie found a bit disturbing so I helpfully painted over her chest area with black paint. After an hour and a half maybe, we had used up 5 sheets of A4 paper and got a bit bored. Julie had done 3 paintings which were boring and only had about one or two colours used. She liked the blue glittery paint so she had filled a whole sheet of paper using that one colour. The other one she made was almost the same, only with a different shade of blue and it looked a bit like a sky with some splashy waves meant to be the sea. Her best one was all black with splatters of neon paint, and the word 'KHAOS' scribbled in red paint in the left corner. She had seen it spelled like that on a can of Monster energy and didnt realise it actually had a C instead. I only painted two pictures, mainly cause of the fact that once I start a picture I have to fill it with lots of detail and end up bored. The first was supposed to be London which is my favourite place. there was a dark gray pavement with gray/black little figures which were people walking past and behind them was row upon row of tall buildings, all in different shades of gray and with not so much detail in the windows or doors. At the bottom middle of the painting is a big red double decker bus on the road. I liked how everything was gray and dreary and the one bright thing was a big red bus. Oh and the other picture was of a clown with one blue eye all dripping with tears, or it could be the actual eye melting or something, and the other 'eye' was a cross. It had a dripping stream of blood coming from the heart area, though Im not sure if it was on the proper side of where the heart should be or not, and as I had splattered the red paint off my brush onto the paper it had landed on his ear, so I painted it to look almost the same on his other ear and made it look like he had bloody red headphones leading to his heart. It looks really stupid but I like it cause it says 'BWAHAHAHAHA' at the bottom of the painting for no apparent reason, I just wanted a word to put on it. After the 'Art' session Julie went and done an English essay or story, about a 10 year old boy called Jimmy and his pet dog Rufus and how he hates his foster parents and ends up living with a woman he's only just met while wandering around his new neighbourhood and running away from some hobos and drunk people. I continued for another few hours with my French workbook, occasionally flipping through the fat French dictionary to look up some words. At 3pm Dad went upstairs to bed, so we went downstairs. Julie watched about 5 minutes of TV before also going to bed, while I sat at the table in front of the TV doing some more French work. When mum came home at 4pm I packed my books away and sat with her on the sofa and watched some TV while she looked through the work Julie had done, and I showed her the paintings we did and a few pages of the French I had been doing. Fast forward to now, at 20:04pm and some program on TV is on, and no ones watching it. Its about these families who are looking for a new house and are too fucking indecisive to find one themselves, some TV people make a program to try find one FOR them. Julie is on her laptop, and Mum is in the kitchen cooking dinner and Dad is upstairs getting changed out of his work uniform as he has just came home from work. Im now logging off and going to make some popcorn for my dinner as the chicken nuggets mum cooks for me taste like fish which is gross.

Bad Girls Go Good

Was too tired to blog about my day yesterday. We headed off to Ninesprings woods which is MAHOOSIVE and quite out of town, to have a little picnic and expore. We hadnt been there for ages so we wanted to just get out the house and have a look. Got there at about 1pm I think, and the carboot was pretty crap and all we bought there was some ice cream. Then we went and took lots of pictures of the countryside like the hills and stuff, as theres lots of green they all looked pretty much the same. So after our picnic and being harrassed by a few dogs passing by, we headed inside the massive woodland area with all the tall trees and ponds and rivers, and we saw lots of small and big waterfalls inside too. There were a few annoying brats running around yelling and I so hoped one would fall in the deepest end of the river, but we walked off the other direction anyway. It was a little cold cause the sun was blocked out from all the trees but it kept appearing through the leaves now and then. I think after we found our way out of the woodlands we started our long walk home, Julie protested and begged us to get a taxi but we said it would be a waste of money seeing as we didnt have any shopping, plus it wasnt that far to walk home. She then sulked and slowly walked a bit behind us as we kept walking and looking round to make sure she hadnt ran off or anything. Got home at about 6 or 7, I think and we were all tired and achy from all the walking and went to bed at 1am. And today I've been indoors all day, didnt wake up at 9am like I should have as it was supposed to be the first day of home schooling. Ended up coming downstairs in my gray drapey dressing gown/robe and matching baggy pyjama bottoms at around 11am. Went on the computer and printed a whole bunch of maths and english worksheets for me and Julie to complete and put in our folders. I printed out a few pages of simple French vocabulary and what they are in English, and put them in the 'French' section of my colourful planner. I think dad said he's going to give us an English lesson tomorrow, but I dont know how long it'll be before he gets bored and watches TV or goes to bed. I wish he would be more organized and try act like our teacher, cause at the moment he doesnt really like the idea of being stuck at home with us there all day. Oh well, maybe after a week or something it'll feel more like a regular thing. On Thursday, mum is going to take us on a field trip to Bowleaze Cove, which will be a sort of Geography lesson. I also think we can make it an art lesson too, cause we could draw the big cliffs or the ocean. Julie isnt so good at drawing so I could bring my camera along and take pictures which we could later print out and she could trace them. Dad's coming with us too, but he'll be busy with his fishing and whatnot.

Oh goodness me.

That picture up there? I TOOK IT TODAY AT WEYMOUTH, NARHARHAR. Okay so, I Got up at 9am, put on some red skinny jeans to match my lovely vibrant hair colour. Then got a taxi to the station, then got a coach instead cause the train was full up and I hate being around lots of loud people. Hardly anyone on the coach, good news. Bad news? I got so fucking bored after just an hour. Julie dragged me all around the highstreet on the beachfront to look for something to wear in the sea cause I didnt know we were going swimming or whatever. Couldnt find anything so I went paddling in the water for a bit while she fucked around on the spazzy orange lilo thing. She got a wet bum so hahaha she deserved it for calling me 'BORING'. Wtf, Im like the opposite of boring. She's the boring one, never ever dyed her hair at all in her life, stays indoors all evening on her beloved laptop, dresses like a boy, never brushes her hair or straightens it, etc, etccc. At least I DO things! Silly fat curly haired cow. Went home at around 5pm, saw dad walking back from the shop while in the taxi so we gave him a little wave. He is against the idea of me getting my angelbites back, apparently I talk funny with them in but that was only for the first week I had that problem! Also he thinks I'll have trouble kissing boyfriends with them in but theyre not actually on my lip, they are above them so I dont see any problem there. Anyway, boys arent interested in me in the first place, so why the fuck cant I have silly little labrets in my top lip? He's so old fashioned, its crazy. He wants me to wear a little gold necklace with a crucifix on too, to 'protect' me but I'm not exactly religious so I dont want to wear it. Im a little late doing this blog, usually I try get it done at about 9-ish but its now 10:47 cause I was too busy looking for a DECENT picture of a faux hawk to show the hairdresser on Tuesday when I get it cut short enough for that style. Bitching thing. I took a few pictures today but I've only just realized I'd forgotten to put them on my photography page. Oh well, tomorrow maybe. But I think tomorrow my mum wants me to come with her to the car boot sale then have a picnic in Nine Springs, which is the veryyyy big green forest/woods/jungle place we got on the outside of town. It takes aaages to get there and back so I guess I cant wear any of my lovely high heels I got recently. I think I have about 10 pairs of shoes. 7 of them are high heels I havent had the chance to wear. 2 old pairs, and the other ones I got which are red and just look funny so I dont wear them. Ehh. I need a new hoodie. My old gray one is looking a bit manky. BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ONLINE BLOG/DIARY/JOURNAL.

RED FAUXHAWK PUNK HAIR.

Got woke up by my mum when she loudly stumbled through the front door from work at 3pm. Quickly brushed my teeth and washed my face before putting on a pair of gray jeans with a gray T shirt, then grabbed my gray hoodie. And my old tatty leopardprint ballet flats. I didnt do anything to my hair but brush it, and I didnt have time to put any makeup on so I was sure I looked at my most disgusting. Oh well. We had to go to town on the bus which came at 15:55pm, and we went to Rymans and WHSmith to get lots of homeschool equipment. We got 2 colourful planners to write the times of our lessons in, about a dozen textbooks and workbooks on maths, english, design technology, french and art. Also some pens, erasers, pencils, and filofax pages which looked cool cause they were pink. In Tesco we got the food shopping which was so boring cause my mum is always bumbling around and talking to herself, even though she isnt that old she's starting to act scarily like a crazy cat lady who talks to her cats as much as she talks to herself! The only good part was when I chose a nice bright red hair dye, and she chose a purpley-red colour for hers. She's always had short, cropped hair with a long curly fringe which was ALWAYS dyed purple. It's her little trademark and it suits her. I dont know what style or colour suits my hair, I always have to change it to stop it from getting boring. So now Im no longer having orangey yellow shoulder length hair, Im gonna try make it into a lovely little FAUXHAWK to look a bit more punky to suit my 'rebellious' attitude. I have a feeling this isnt going to be a very long blog entry cause all I did today was buy lots of crap, then watch some TV then ate half a bag of Twiglets. Theres a really funny comedy show on TV atm, but only my dad is watching it cause Im on the computer, my sister is on her laptop playing stupid rap music and my mum sounds like shes cleaning in the hallway/kitchen. Okay Im bored of typing now, going to read a hair magazine.

Rather happy.

Okay, so I didnt go to maths first lesson but julie did. I sat in the park near the school to try get my college coursework done, as it was due in second lesson. It was bitterly cold and I wasnt wearing my school blazer, even though it was sitting on the bench next to me. It was just coming up to nine in the morning, and I got halfway done when I got stuck on the tougher part of the booklet. I didnt have a computer nearby in the park to research answers, and I couldnt use the internet on my LG Cookie cause I seem to have lost it. And I havent any credit on it so I cant text/call/download anything on it. I put it back in my slouchy purple back and for another 40 minutes passed with me thinking nonstop to myself as well as watching the way people walk past. The sky was a very vivid blue and the sun was shining low down and I could see the moon perfectly. The grass in the park seemed more brighter and the colours of the equipment in the park seemed harsh and clashing, too. In times like this I wish I brought my camera with me more often. At 9:30am I slowly walked to the school gates, then not wanting to be seen and asked to go to my lesson by a teacher, I hid behind a tree which was a few metres away then waited for Julie and my few friends who go to college with me to walk out and meet me, followed by jokey namecalling such as 'skiver' and 'ditcher'. Julie had thought I went to Maths late and thought I was in school before she came out, so she saved me from getting a phone call home to Dad by signing me out even though I hadnt signed in. Dad said the school didnt phone him at all today so that probably did save me. On the long-ish walk into town to college, me, Julie and Emma chattered about running away to London. Things like cost wouldnt matter if I ever ran away with her as her dad is in the Army/navy or something like that and she is somewhat rich. She'd just got a new phone, the Tocco Lite and it is a very nice phone. I hate touch screen phones, even though I have one. College flew past and it was so entertaining when we had to go in pairs and one person had to write a name of a body part on a post-it note and stick it on the other person in the right place. I was the person to get notes stuck all over while Emma and her scruffy handwriting were the post-it sticker. The pair with the largest amount of body parts post-its was the winner. I had a post-it on my nose, ear, eyebrow, hip, leg, arm, shoulder & belly. Which makes 8. I think we came in 3rd while the people who won had about 15 post-its but they cheated, methinks. I spent the hour of lunch with Julie and Emma. We went to our house to get some money to go to Tesco and ended up stealing more than I bought. All I spent was about 76p on a bottle of Blackcurrant & Apple fruit shoot. I had a biig bottle of our favourite alcohol which was the Blue WKD, our dad saw it later and asked how we got it as we are under 18. We lied and said we got an older guy to get it for us. We got 3 more bottles of drink and I got a Lunchable, some weird sandwich stacking type kiddies snack. We then went back the the park near the school and played on the swings while Julie sat in the shade of a tree. Emma made a video on her phone of me swinging fast then rocketing off it to see if I could fly over the fence. I didnt go too far though. They both went off to the last lesson which was Science, while I stayed there for a bit. With 10 minutes til the end of school I slowly walked to the steps where the elderly peoples houses were and plonked myself down on the bottom steps, hiding behind a bush a little. Julie was the first kid from our school I saw, she was sneeaking close by the bush thinking I couldnt see her and was going to make me jump but I could see her scruffy shoes and new it was her.

Fast-forward to 3:45pm, the meeting with the hockey-obsessed, short-skirts wearer with chunky legs called the year head of year 11, and it wasnt bad. I seemed to be invisible, as she only spoke to my mum and my sister Julie. We think she was intimidated by me and found me a little scary, as I had previously went to her with my angelbite piercings and she let me go to town to have them take out as they werent allowed. Also, I had now got bright orange/blondish hair and I stared out the window and on some boring things in the room we were in. It was hot and almost sweaty in there, and I hated having to sit opposite her, in view of her massive, thick tree-legs. She spoke about how could she make school seem more 'appealing' and 'attractive' to make us want to attend more, and I mumbled "nothing, at all." and Julie was always on about being a little behind in her coursework and was still annoyed with the way she was yelled at in front of everyone by her demon-bitch english teacher not so long ago. The year head was obviously on her little teacher-buddie's side and said she was just a little 'dissatisfied' with her poor efforts. Lallalalaaa.. we left after almost an hour, and are now going to call the school in the morning to tell them to take us of the school list. Then as soon as possible we must contact the LEA to tell them about us now being schooled at home and apparently they'll send us a little giftpack or something like that for first-time homeschooling parents and kids. Im in a neutral place at the moment, but I'll soon by happier once its all sorted and fixed with the calling people and whatnot. It's now 20:41pm and Im off to watch 60 Minute Makeover.

When Boredom Strikes, Do Some Quizzes!

You Need Expression

You're the type of person who has a lot to express, and you need many outlets. You love to create - whether you're writing a novel or just putting together an amazing outfit. You are a deep thinker. You understand the world well, and you are in touch with your emotions. And you don't like to keep your insights to yourself. You love sharing what you know with the world, even if it's in a very abstract way.

What Do You Need Most?

Your Hands say That You Are Logical

You are logical, analytical, and rational. You have good verbal skills. Idealistic and dreamy, you tend toward the impractical. You have a knack for getting yourself in sticky situations. Brainy and intelligent, you are intellectual to the point of being incomprehensible. Your emotions tend to be nervous and potent. Your energy - both positive and negative - deeply impacts your life.

What Do Your Hands Say About You?

You Are a Yellow Crayon

Your world is colored with happy, warm, fun colors. You have a thoughtful and wise way about you. Some people might even consider you a genius. Charming and eloquent, you are able to get people to do things your way. While you seem spontaneous and free wheeling, you are calculating to the extreme. Your color wheel opposite is purple. You both are charismatic leaders, but purple people act like you have no depth.

What Color Crayon Are You?

You Are a Lip Piercing

You are rebellious and defiant. You resist conforming and following rules.You're the type to get pierced anywhere you want, and you're not taking your piercings out for anyone!Reflective and philosophical, you've spent a lot of time thinking about how you'd like to live your life. And it just so happens that your preferred lifestyle is pretty far outside the mainstream. While people may find you standoffish, you aren't necessarily rude, mean, or judgmental. You just don't try to fit in. And that's enough to scare most people away!

What Piercing Are You?

Home Schooling, You're What I Wish For.

To start this second entry off with, yes I did bunk off school again today. This time Julie joined me and walked around for about 30 minutes, before knocking on our door then hiding behind the side of the house, so that when Dad came out to investigate we would sneak inside. My 'foolproof' plan failed, and he walked round to the side of the house and told us to get inside. We sat in silence as he watched a program on TV about God, or something. Then as it was Mum's day off and she had a short lie-in, she came down at about 10:30am and asked us to come with her to Homebase to get some light gray paint mixed as tonight she wants to pain the hallway's walls gray with pale yellow stencils. Yellow and gray are my absolute favourite colours ever. We went to Homebase on our bikes, mum's was the biggest and was thin and pale lilac in colour, Julie's was a cool red chopper bike, and mine was a small orange BMX which was only good for cycling around in short distances and doing nifty little tricks on at the skate park. We stood with mum as she told the mixer-guy what colour she wanted, and me and Julie checked him out as he was very cute and around 17 years old. Julie enjoyed it very much when he bent over in front of her to get a tin and she turned to me with a silly, pervy grin on her face. We returned home with the paint then had something to eat before once again using our bikes as transport to go to the supermarket that was a long cycle away, called Morrisons. In the cafe at Morrisons, there was a lot of eldery people having their lunch. I had a VERY tasty sausage sandwich, which consisted of three sausages cut in half in a small roll. It tasted fucking delicious and I want to have another one when I next go there, which I hope will be soon. When we got home all the school kiddies were wandering home, and I felt a bit sheepish cycling past them in my own clothes and not the posh, uncomfortable uniform and carrying shopping bags full of goodies. Oh well. Later at about 4pm I showed mum the website explaining home schooling to parents, and managed to persuade her to think about home schooling me and my lovely twin Julie, as we feel we cannot put up with the 'learning' environment we are currently in at school. We feel as if we aren't learning everything, just being told what we cant do. Im unhappy with their rules as they made me take out my angelbite piercings on my top lip and they closed up by the time I'd got home. That was a complete waste of £50. Which is actually a lot of money, because I paid for half and my mum paid the other half. Anyway, tomorrow at the meeting with the year head after school Im hoping mum will explain that she would prefer us to be taken off the school register and start with our home schooling immediately. I've just had my dinner a minute ago, which was two slices of cheese on toast followed by two packets of salt and vinegar walkers crisps which i love. I think after mum has had her dinner, she's painting the hallway. I'll end up helping her if I get bored.

Nails In The Head Sounds Painful..

Wow this is my first post, and I am very excited. I feel like the strange new kid in a school full of cool, interesting kids who have been there all their school years. Ugh, I think school so much now I may be brainwashed by that place. Im going to love rambling on about very very exciting things that happen to me each day, and stuff like my favourite words and the foods I hate most and tons of other fascinating things which can be described with words. Is That A Nail In Your Head? Is on the television at the moment, and the time is exactly 21:27 which is when I first started pushing keyboard buttons. My day started like they usually do, got woken up by the ancient alarm clock at 7:18am. Didnt get out of bed til about 7:39am. Then did my morning schedule (sit on the sofa applying minimal makeup in Tshirt and underwear). It's Tuesday so obviously I was going to school with my twin sister. I was just going to bunk off the whole school day because we have Science too much and I dont like it, because everyone seems to know tons about chemicals and symbols and I dont. When we were about to go over the hill to the back of the school, I started tugging on her backpack and asking her to come to the park with me for a bit, and that she could go back to second or third lesson if she wanted. She didnt want to get into any more trouble so she told me to get lost and go by myself if I wanted to go to the park so much. After trying to nudge her back through the hedg without success, I gave up after a minute or two because their was a ginger boy watching from his house and my bag was really heavy and awkward which dragged me down a little. In the end she walked off towards the hill, every now and then looking back at me wondering when I was going to change my mind somehow and come running after her. But I didnt. Once Im late for a lesson, I do not want to turn up in the classroom with all the kids jeering and calling me things like 'Skiver' or 'Oh shes such a rebel' and whatnot. Plus, the teachers are wary of me because they know I only spoke when spoken to, and I'm not really that social. Only to about 7 people in the school, or less, Im not entirely sure. So yes, I didnt go running to school happily. I headed toward the small kiddie park near a bridge, and a rundown house near it where a paedophile lives, Im not sure if he still lives there or not but when I walk past at night all the lights are on. Anyway, I walked past the kiddie park then started the 10 minute walk past the houses on the posher side of town towards the skatepark by my amazing old Primary school. I loved it there. Well not all the time, one time there was an incident in year 3 I think which was quite a while ago when I was maybe about 7 or something, and I showed the most 'fancied' boy in the class my bits. Down below, you know? I dont know why the hell I did it, but I did and I can only remember my mum being asked to come to the class to see the teacher after school, I came along too with my toy dog which you pull along on a string. I dont know what they said, all I remember is me wandering around the classroom with the dog-on-a-string hoping the teacher would be impressed with it. Anyway, I was now at the skatepark and it was FREEZING. In the South East of England, it was hot apparently. But the South West was storm-like. I got out my Silver LG Cookie to check the time and it had only just gone 9am, and lessons start at about 8:30am so it was obvious I couldnt turn back to first lesson which was Science. I took off my uncomfortable navy school blazer and ugly, red yellow and navy tie, and pulled on my grey jumper with a hood and a picture of Mickey and Minnie mouse on the front which I had stolen from a BHS shop in town the day before. It was soft and warm but I still felt the cold, and my recently dyed orange hair which was now fading into a paler shade was whooshing and whipping around in the bitter wind and was tangled and knotted after an hour. In that hour I was playing 'Animal Crossing' on my Pink Nintendo DS, not the DS Lite or DSi, the old one, the first DS that came out. I remember the first game I got for it was 'Nintendogs' which came included with the Nintendo DS. After turning it off out of boredom, I went to the park which was a few feet away from the skatepark and plopped down onto the swings and slowly rocked back and forth with my feet still on the ground. I watched everything that went on in the very quite area, there wasnt much to be seen. An empty skatepark which only become occupied by teenage boys on BMXes at 1pm onwards, the park which I was in that had the occasional visit from a mum and her 1-2 young children which weren't in school, the primary school enclosed in a thick hedge and fence to keep unwanted visitors out, and the surrounding area of trees, a few winding footpaths and green grass circling around it all. There were two magpies close by, on the other side of the park fence nipping away at some biscuits. I said quietly to myself "One for sorrow, two for joy.." over and over slowly for a little bit untill I got bored and they hopped off somewhere. Then I got out my phone again to check the time. It was almost ten minutes until 10 in the morning. I quickly flipped through some of the recent photos I had on my camera, then put it back into it's Spongebob Squarepants zip-case. I always thought the world of my newest camera I had. My old one was only 6 months old and had to be sent back to the warehouse as I got sand in it, and wouldnt let the lens come out and take pictures. I put my big slouchy purple handbag back on the ground and slowly rocked back and forth once again. Every now and then a gurgling little kid would plonk themselves down on the swing beside me and bed their mummy to push them higher. I'd continue the look the other way and rock back and forth, thinking deep thoughts to myself, finally looking to the right of me once the small child and her mother had gone to the shops and then home to have dinner. I heard all their plans and the mother was eager to hear how their first day of school went. At one point she said "School is cool. It's where you gain your confidence" I tried hard not to snort and honk with laughter, which would draw too much attention to myself. I wanted to be quiet and be as invisible as possible, and hated the fact that everything seemed so out in the open and vulnerable. Luckily, no one had come up to me asking why I wasnt in school. If they had, I had a what I hoped was a smart answer which was something like, "Why arent you at work?" or "What's it to you?" I never spoke much to new people, especially adults who thought they were superior. Which is why, when I bunked off school I had someone with me like my twin sister or equally silent and odd friend called Emma, who recently on the first few days of school I hadnt seen much. If I was on my own I was less likely to talk, but with one or both of these two people I would chatter away like an infant with her barbie doll. Anyway, the rest of my day went like this. Miserable and cold, bored, and my bottom ached a lot as the swing was an odd shape so I had to keep shifting around on the swing. I watched the BMXers and wondered if I could practice how to do tricks on my Orange BMX which I hadnt got around to using since I first got it for christmas. At around 2:30pm the park had a little boy with his parents, the skatepark had a small group of teenage boys all shouting obscenities and a lot of dog-walkers. At this time I got up, hooked my large handbag in the crook of my elbow and cradled my school blazer in one hand while using the other to open the heavy red gate, then walking in a snail-like pace along the straight path to my house. I knocked on the door which was opened by my sister, who had obviously only just got home a minute before me and she called me a 'skiver' and other names for 'ditching' her as she had believed I would have came back to school. Apparently a lot of people wanted to know where I was, hoping she would know as she was my sister afterall. Also, she and Emma had tried calling me in Art last lesson but my phone was off a lot more than it was on so I didnt get the call. Another missed call was when Julie came home without me and my dad called me to find out where I was, at that point I was probably still trudging home with my phone off and in my bag. Fast-forward a few hours of me playing on the computer, reading a Grattan catalogue and watching TV then eating a whole bag of pistachio nuts to about now. It's 22:07 and my bedtime is usually around midnight. The News is on, and there is a man with a shiny nose babbling about cutting debt on something. Dad's not watching it, no one is, he's always trying to talk nonstop to anyone who's willing to listen. Julie is on her laptop. My mum is sitting on her side of the sofa watching TV, or pretending to so that Dad will stop nattering to her. Usually she has a magazine to read and is doing a puzzle. Im starting to get a back/neck ache now so I will go offline now and pretend to watch The News as well. This has probably been the longest diary entry I have ever made. I know this is called a blog but 'diary' sounds much better and formal.