SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER:
(Description from Wikipedia)
"..A diagnosis reffering to excessive social anxiety (anxiety in social situations) causing considerable distress and impaired ability to function in at least some areas of daily life. Generalized social anxiety disorder typically involves a persistent, intense, and chronic fear of being judged by others and of potentially being embarrassed or humiliated by one's own actions. These fears can be triggered by perceived or actual scrutiny by others. Social phobia in many cases can be an extremely debilitating disorder, especially because one who struggles with it often suffers alone. In individuals under age 18 years, the duration is at least 6 months. Those with social phobia tend to interpret neutral or ambiguous conversations with a negative outlook and many studies suggest that socially anxious individuals remember more negative memories than those less distressed. An example of an instance may be that of an employee presenting to his co-workers. During the presentation, the person may stutter a word upon which he or she may worry that other people significantly noticed and think that he or she is a terrible presenter. This thought propels further anxiety which may lead to further stuttering, sweating, and a possible panic attack. Social anxiety disorder is a persistent fear of one or more situations in which the person is exposed to possible scrutiny by others and fears that he or she may do something or act in a way that will be humiliating or embarrassing. It exceeds normal 'shyness' as it leads to excessive social avoidance and substantial social or occupational impairment. Feared activities may include almost any type of social interaction, especially small groups, dating, parties, talking to strangers, restaurants, etc. Possible physical symptoms include "mind going blank", fast heartbeat, blushing, stomach ache, nausea and gagging. The groundless fear of making telephone calls is typical, both answering and picking up, due to conversing's social nature. It may appear early in childhood. Faced with an uncomfortable situation, children with social anxiety may display tantrums, weeping, clinging to parents, and shutting themselves out. The walk disturbance (where you are so worried about how you walk that you lose balance) may appear, especially when passing a group of people. Onset of social phobia typically occurs between 11 and 19 years of age. Studies of Identical twins brought up in different families have indicated that, if one twin developed social anxiety disorder, then the other was between 30 percent and 50 percent more likely than average to aslo develop the disorder. Adolescents who were rated as having an insecure (anxious-ambivalent) attachment with their mother as infants were twice as likely to develop anxiety disorders by late adolescence, including social phobia. Social anxiety disorder may be caused by the longer-term effects of not fitting in, or being bullied, rejected or ignored. In one study, popularity was found to be negatively correlated with social anxiety, and children who were neglected by their peers reported higher social anxiety and fear of negative evaluation than other categories of children. Socially phobic children appear less likely to receive positive reactions from peers and anxious or inhibited children may isolate themselves. An interpersonal or media emphasis on 'normal' or 'attractive' personal characteristics has also been argued to fuel perfectionism and feelings of inferiority or insecurity regarding negative evaluation from others.."
All the text which has been coloured red is what I feel that I can relate to or understand I may have. The first part of text which is red that says people under 18 who suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder for at least 6 months. I think I have been suffering with this disorder for probably about 4 or maybe 5 years. I dont have much time to explain what I think of all the pieces of text which I have made red-coloured, as it's past midnight and my dad is getting all naggy at me, so I will quickly type up a bit of what I think is wrong with me. I can relate to the bit which says the sufferer who has an insecure attachment with their mother are twice as likely to develop anxiety disorders, as I tend to only go out in public with my mother as my sister wont always come with me and my dad is embarrassing to be seen with, and I just hate being out on my own so only a few times I walk to the shop, and when I was still in public school and I couldnt walk home with my sister as she was always getting detentions, I used to rush all the way home even though it was a very short route but I didnt want to be on my own as groups of schoolkids could easily catch up with me and make fun of the way I walk or look or something. Also when I got to the stage of skipping school every day, my sister wouldnt want to skip so much in case of getting in lots more trouble, so sometimes if I couldnt pursuade her by tugging at her bag or standing in front of her and trying to push her back through the hole in the hedge which everyone went through to get to the back of the school, I would simply tell her I'll go by myself then and run off through the hedge and just stand for hours playing on my phone at the bridge which was near a park. I never actually felt that worried about being kidnapped or anything when I was out on my own skipping school, as even when no one was around to see witness anything if I did get kidnapped, the thought of it just never came into my head as I was too busy trying to think about other things like what my sister was doing, or if people were looking for me, or if the school had called home about my absence yet. Moving on, I have a very strong connection with the bit about walking weirdly when passing groups of people, I always avoid eye contact and feel that people are watching me, and I have always been made fun of by kids my age about the way I walk, even by my own non-identical twin sister, apparently I walk 'bent' at the knees while the top half of my body remains upright. This has made me very self-conscious when Im out walking so I try to walk normally so no one will stare, when I ask my mother if she thinks I walk funny she always replies with something like "Your sister and other kids are just winding you up, you walk fine." But I have noticed that my legs look a little bandy down past the knees. When I go past anyone who is young I get a fast heartbeat and avoid eye contact with them, my legs sometimes feel like jelly too, especially if it's someone who looks like they're going to say something bad to me or say it to their friends so they'll laugh at me. I used to get a very horrible churning feeling in my stomach an awful lot when in school I was told to talk to someone who was popular and mean, or someone who just looks a little bitchy. My voice deepens when I speak to new people who I dont feel comfortable with. With people who were a little close to me, my voice would be the normal accent I have, which although I have been in the countryside in the southwest of England for most of my life I didnt not have the broad, 'famer/carrot-cruncher' accent which was how everyone speaks where I live. I was originally borin in Chelsea Hospital in London and we lived in a few locations around London untill we moved to the countryside when me and my sister were about 3. My mother says I have a slight London accent, but not much of a 'carrot-cruncher' one. Although my sister has an easily recognizable southwest accent. Moving on again, when I was at school and was told by the teacher to talk to someone who I hardly knew I would sit very uncomfortablly and leaning as far away from them as possible, as well as sweating like FUCK, and my heart beating rapidly, and the horrible twisting, churning feeling in my stomach. I also didnt speak much to anyone at school apart from my twin and the few people I had known for a while. Also at times I would feel very hot when forced to sit or communicate with an unfamiliar person, but I wasnt sure if I was blushing or not, as no one would tell me I was red in the face. I hate being taken to a restaurant, especially if I had to sit by a large window for people outsite to walk past and see me, and if the restaurant was full of people. I would only be confortable when sitting in the corner and out of the way. I was never invited to many birthday parties or sleepovers when I was younger, as I want very popular and didnt spend time with any of my friends after school. I used to hate pretty much every class I had at secondary school, but Im not sure about primary school. In science I would be in a class with no one I was close to at all, sometimes I sat with 1 or 2 people I had known for a little bit or who were friends with my friends, and most of the time I would be sat on my own at the front of the class close to the door. I felt very uncomfortable being with my back facing to the large bunch of loud, rude and 'popular' kids. I felt they were laughing and whispering bad things about me. The eldery teacher would never notice what was going on in his science class, so they could do anything they want. When I had science for last lesson in that class I was on my own sitting at the front, and the popular kids behind me were bored of the work so they messed around a bit more than usual. I heard a few giggles then suddenly felt a sharp pain in the back of my head, heard a dull thud at the same time, and something hitting the floor. I looked down to see a large heavy science textbook laying on the floor. I felt very sweaty and upset that those horrible people which I had done nothing to had just thrown this at my head. My head hurt a little but not much and the teacher didnt see. After they had thrown it and saw the very 'funny' spectacle, started squawking with laughter so much it seemed like they were laughing like maniacs, expecially one of the popular girls which was sat there. I think it was her who threw it. After a minute or two had passed and they settled down, they giggled again and this time a shoe had hit the same part of my head. More loud, stupid laughter. Especially from the girl who had thrown her shoe at me, as I was sure it was her as from the corner of my eye I could see her creeping behind me to get her shoe back and put it on when she sat back down. I didnt cry, but my eyes were very watery and I just stared blankly for the rest of the lesson with my head down and ran out of the door the minute the bell had went and the class was told to go from the eldery teacher. But although that was the most horrible experience I had gotten from being around people, especially kids, that wasnt where I think my social anxiety had started. In the last year of primary school, there was a nasty rumour about me and my twin having 'nits' which was another word for head lice, and we didnt actually have 'nits', loads of other kids in the yeargroup had them, not just us. But seeing as we were quiet and looked like easy victims, we were targetted for the name-calling the most. All my confidence had disappeared and the teachers did nothing when my mother told them that we didnt breed 'nits', we washed our almost every day so it wasnt us who had spread them. I strongly believe After the name calling started was when my fear of people, social situations, anxiety, everything all started. Its now almost a few minutes untill its 1am, so I will publish this post for now but edit it later tomorrow. Im also going to see if I can make this post private. Okay its now about 6:30pm and its the day after I wrote this post. So far I am sure of the fact that I suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD), Ugh I dont like the abbreviation of the disorder, it's so ironic and SAD. I dont think I'll ever go to a Doctor or psychiatrist, etc, to ask if they think I suffer from the disorder as it will just be all too emabarrassing for me. My parents dont know anything about what I suffered from when at school, they think me and my sister just hated all the schoolwork and the teachers. I havent told anyone about the certainty of me having Social Anxiety, just told a few that I think I am suffering from a certain mental disorder which I will not name at this point untill I feel comfortable with it.
